[PancakeBrah]

I liked the second half of this. Thought it really picked up from "cement trails" on. Before that point the only real stand out to me was '60 years' line. Nothing bad in the first half. Just felt different, a little less affecting than usual for some reason. Dunno. But yeah, everything after the aforementioned point was gravy.

"cement trails to wander through in personal time
live or die? sometime soon enough i'll learn to decide"

"i'd kill myself this instant to spare all of your lives
open palm, pale thighs like suns refusing to shine
bring a tear to my eye. laughing while i'm watching you cry
bitter wine. lemon lime. sprite and syrup and smoke
microbial, the misanthrope in search of a host
i'm measured by how many numbers yearly i gross
but the times i'm most secure is when i miss you the most."

Open palm, pale thighs line was dope. Earlier you wrote about a "passion paradox" followed with "i'm happiest when causing you pain." Combine that with the bolded lines and I recommend you tell any future love interest that you're slightly off kilter, for their sake. I think the 'sprite'/'host' lines were the peak in terms of technical skill meshing with the point of the piece. Just read really smooth (in comparison to your already high level of flow) and had some cool assonance and internals going on.

"leather seats and linen sheets and butter and toast"

You did this earlier with the sprite/syrup/smoke line. Seemed a bit of overkill. Nice little tool to use but doing two lines with it so closely together is too much of a Cormac McCarthy flashback for me.

Kudos to the use of 'arpeggio'. I try to use that word in normal, everyday conversation because I'm autistic. It's just dope.

"i've never finished anything i've started from scratch
nails digging til the warmth begins to pool on my back."

Liked this as well. Psycho.

Thanks for the read!