[big baby]

read half, i'll usually read the rest later, (probably when i finish typing this) but this seems a bit different than your usual schemes and pretenses, everything seems non filtered, (or filtered?) it was pretty cool, I felt the rhyming was a bit different than what im used to from you, a huge weakness of yours, that i've noticed is probably your only noticeable one - is being able to maintain a scheme ongoing without traversing too far from what you're trying to convey, usually you have to explain the subject and predicate of your lines in the non-scheme part of your stanza, this, can be accredited largely due to the fact that you have a certain amount of syllables in each line, though. but i notice when you do try to remain on a similar scheme and maintain a literal phrasing of sort - it becomes contrived, almost. well, contrived for you, atleast. a huge percentage of other writers would get a pass from me because i don't think they're as good, but with someone who has writing capabilities of your caliber, it just seems a bit odd. eitherway i came in here to comment on your strengths, not necessarily the weaknesses. everything seemed more heartfelt than usual, and nothing seemed to want to be strained, even if you didn't match everything with sword sharp pristine wording. i liked it.