[sral]

I forever keep it a pound with you all, I shit myself at last years office Christmas party... I'd had bubbleguts ALL FUCKING DAY but been toilet so many times I thought it was finished by the night time. We had all gone to this fancy place/hotel where the theme was Mouiin Rouge so everyone dressed like a slut or a boss, right?

after the main meal, I went to go outside for a cigarette, realised I had none so I started walking to find a store... Walked maybe ten minutes from the place, decided to give up and turn round (it was December, cold, all the work peeps were back there) when I started feeling another toilet trip coming on...

Felt like the world wanted to squeeze it's way out my ass...

I started walking back quickly, trying to make it to he venue and toilets inside...

A little bit came out, not much, I figured I'd just throw my boxers off in a bin in the bathroom once back... CARRY ON AND ENJOY MY NIGHT...

Then a little more squeaked out, my stomachs going crazy at this point, wanting to release EVERYTHING at once, but I'm resisting... MY STOMACHS GROWLING LIKE FUCK at this point

Then suddenly BOOM! the red seas were done parting, out it came like a gushing biblical downpour or runny soft shit... I didn't know what to do, I had to get back to the venue as I didn't know any of these street names etc... My phone is going crazy at this point, everyone's ringing me from the party to find out we're I was! FUCK!

Eventually I get to the venue and call Mrs Lars (who's at home) tell her to call me a cab and explain what's happened to her... The cab eventually arrives, I sit in the back --- silent ---- like a peado file who has just been arrested... I didn't speak for the entire journey home! I'm sat in back with this waft of stale odourous shit and nowhere to look but at the back of the seat infront of me wondering what i'm gonna do/say if he brings up the fact his car stinks to high heavens of my faeces looooooool

The smell of my own shit filled the cab. The guy must have known. he just has to have known. it was blatabntly obvious. lol I was in a suit stinking of ass and diarrhoea. Disgusting. He drops me home after like a 30 min journey and I'm like... "Cheers mate!" Exiting politely, as you do

I get in my own front door, relieved as FUCK, thinking ive made it and escaped the worst situation of my entire life... and my mother in law and wife's best friend have come over to say hello to Mrs Lars... Worst night in a while I swear to you hahaha!