[IamBenT]

interesting battle.

Tyson - i second Zen in saying that some punctuation would be very helpful. In some parts it seems like this verse don't even rhyme. I like how you describe being blind and turn what seems to be a negative into a positive. I do however question some of your word choices as it came off rather awkward and interrupted the understanding and cohesion of the piece for me.

I'm infacturated by spoken words and the whispers...trances the heart
Each syllable grasps a literal nerve twiching with anticipation at its pivotal

im not sure if "infacturated" is a word.. in any case I didn't like this at all, where the heck is the rhyme for heart?? maybe Im just not seeing it or im just out of tune i guess.

Patrown - wow, hard hitter that I read twice to really get the full picture. You use really lovely metaphors here, and such strident imagery that I can't help but be impressed with how much you did in such few lines. very poetic, left me with a gasp, and i was looking for something i didnt like to quote and I honestly can't think of anything except maybe the donut line but even that was such a nice picture of the lovers there sharing a small morsel of food. the "fine, die" is just so cold and final, its really a sad and well-written piece.

Vote-Patrown I liked Tyson's twist on the topic but speaking is definitely powerful in Patrown's piece.