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Old 04-15-2013, 03:04 PM   #11
IamBenT
SuPreaM Lyricyst
 
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 704
Battle Record: 9-6



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Good battle, mates

Nigma - Lovin the flow as usual. Great eye for detail, only prob I had was I wasnt really feeling the speaker cuz I had no idea who it was or what they were really all about. I like the imagery used in this and the whole dream scape was a cool addition to the verse.

Unlocking the treasure, saw that all perspectives are never ending
The next decension, sent to repent in the depths of REM sleep

I just wasnt feeling this line right here, came off as kind of strange to me.

Xces - Great verse, really a shining example of vocab (albeit heavy handed at sometime) coupled with powerful images, and i felt it was a creative use of the quotes that helped move the story along for me, didn't hinder the verse much at all. You really have a handle of what you are doing here throughout and there is plenty of intellectual "meat" to chew on throughout. Some of your use of juxtaposition bugs me at times, placing disparate concepts sometimes distracting me from what you are saying rather than driving the point home.

Amongst seed an silt, blood sullies pastures of greener grass
Where life once lavish, lies famished in fields of sundered ash

This was interesting, and I saw that you did pick up the multi in the middle of the next line, but i thought you could do something more interesting than greener grass.

Great battle guys.

Vote -Xces for a more thorough read
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