[Sharp]

Originally Posted by Jah Homie

See Smirk was always frontin' so no emcee get behind him
Til' I snuck up, cut his throat, and peeled off his eyelids
There was no punch here, kind of a horrorcore approach but no wordplay, flip, punch or anything
After his gruesome murder, Smirk's rap career was through
on the bright side, the footage hit the lotto on youtube
'hit the lotto' couldve been an okay concept, but it wasn't used well here - give nameflip ideas time, explore options for what you can do with it and see if you can make it work both ways. I see a really easy but potentially decent flip in 'hit the lotto', though the phrase itself doesn't make sense - I'm pretty sure it's hit the jackpot
Lotto's girl hittin' me up cause she like em big, brawny and violent
So I loosened her up gently and started tearin' through her hymen
Statement, there's so many more creative ways to say it
His bitch jotted down her number after homie lubed her wickets
Since she was a grenade, homie showed her where to stick it
Almost wordplay. Almost. Again, explore what you can do with the concepts before just going with whatever cones to mind
Smirk bitch made, can't get laid, he's a sad little victim
So When My Switch Blade cut him six ways, I was his lotto ticket
Didnt really make sense, and you're more focused on the scheme here than the actual concept

Well, you know how to rhyme. Start reading. Check out namixs forum in UW

Originally Posted by Lotto Smirk

You want to be a thug right, Compton I bet ya want to live there
But calling yaself jah homie is the closest ya ever gon get to the hood nerd
Awkward wording, no rhyme and punch was a statement
You aint winning this battle foo, herd ya a pedofile you should be apprehended dude
If jah's ever getting given a W it'll be the letter of the prison wing hes been sentenced too
Weak concept, but something of wordplay
This guys a bum, got no job but i think a funeral director would be suitable
Cause the way you bigging the battle up in disc show's ya good at promoting ya own funeral
If you can help it you want to keep the flip out of the setup - using funeral in both lined took away from it, tho it wasn't too great to begin with
and that shit had me rofl'in, had people thinking i was you, that shit aint coo
But you posting that verse proved the only one willing to be a gambler is you
I had a really similar concept in UW, this wasn't done too well - could use some thought
blah aint wasting anymore if you beat me ill gladly rematch and body you

Meh. You can do better, hit up that namixs forum as well

V/ lotto


Less worse misses