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Old 04-15-2013, 04:44 AM   #10
zygote
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Enigma, enjoyed the characterization of military-industry, it was humorous to see one comment comparing death-ball to an actual death-star. I think Enigma meant death-ball as in military industrial complex. The sections where you give some small story (E.g., the check behind the corners part) were good to break up the parts when you focused on the meta-view. It built up nicely to the "let me go" part, but I felt that line was strong enough to stand by itself and didn't need to be highlighted like that. Perhaps, the let me go line was so strong it could have been powerful as the ending itself. Overall good work with both characterization of pacifism on a individual and on societal levels.

Xces, did not enjoy the chess metaphor felt it did not work in this case. Using only the quotes to keep the metaphor throughout did not work, perhaps it would have been stronger to "go-all-in" and have the chess metaphor more prominent throughout, or just not include it at all. As it stands, I didn't understand the point of splitting up each part with those quotes without any further comment to it. Objectively, your rhyme schemes were more advanced than Enigmas but conceptually Enigmas was more advanced than yours. Voted for Enigma.
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