if i woulda known the future i woulda stayed in the past
Its 5 am an I'm focused on pain,
Life is a game,
hopeless to win if you ain't notice a change
Stay. Leave. Ignore the motif's arranged
Around the casket, red flowers all noted with names
My eyes are so dry that they could soak up the rain
I'd flood the city if only someone spoke of your name
I've hid my sorrow behind a mask made to look the closest to sane
But its been 5 years
and all I can do is raise my dose of cocaine
I've tried the sober life but I couldn't hold the composure
Its so hard to let go when my souls lacking the closure.
I'm back in my loafers
Haven't shaved or even been to the grocer's
No need to eat when I still haven't digested your death
I just hold my breath till I faint,
Cuz that's as close to you I can get!
Feeling like robin Williams with a noose on his neck
Breathing becoming harder slowly losing the bet
Yet I was choosing this debt
Cuz I've ignored more help than you ever could forget!
I've spent my time trying to find a glimmer of hope,
A sign that as a sinner I can do more than just cope.
I spent a fortune on dope,
And wasted so many pages on these verses and notes
That I could write 3 books about feeling worthless an broke.
Only you could ever stop me from these illogical thoughts,
I miss you every fuckin time I see a hospital cross mom
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