[Objective]

Aiiight, I'mma get back to the old feedbacking me. If you can get anything out of the shit I say; cool. If you don't you don't but it's all meant well. Here we go:

YDK..
12/02/14 Entry 1.
My mood is resigned while I'm chasing you blind
Erasing mistakes or refusing their mine?
Its too soon to tell, yet its been well designed
A bittersweet mixture between hell and my mind.

Dope starting couplet and I might be off saying this but ''Well designed'' and ''hell and mind'' sounds better in my head than ''hell and my mind''. I'm not big on syllable counts, but sometimes it helps the flow a little bit towards the end of sentences.

Enjoyed everything after that, got nothing more to add than that really.

Genocide..
12/03/14 Entry 2.
at the library at the moment, as you know its hard for the kid
heart in a million pieces, and women want no parts of the shit
my lifes parked in a ditch, flipped, i need a jump-start and a lift
trying to fix shit before its too late, and realizing that it already is
expression on her face says it all, i bet shes calling it quits
ain't gotta talk, saw all the hints, clenched up, balling her fists
doesnt matter who's fault this all really is, im already pissed
ripped, about to kill each other n' forfeit our kids guardianship
the bitch says i blow smoke up her ass, and im hardly the shit
if you cant take the cig, what you doin with a whole carton of it

I thought this started out extremely great, content-wise it's dope but you're keeping on with the same ending on the sentences and with words like ''shit'' being used twice along with less important words in this context like ''is'' and ''it'' being repeated a rather basic part of setting up a verse is rather off. Either that or you were just slacking thinking nobody cares anyways and it's not that important. The structure etc. and everything else is dope though, the other stuff I mentioned is unusual from you so thought I'd tell you I noticed it.

i mean, pardon my french, but your fucking ass is lazy as hell
plus, your bipolar as shit, and you never try explaining yourself
got these fuckin prescription drugs in a safe, we'll sellem quick
she looked at me and said nigga, your a waste of inteligence

The last line here sticks out as a sore thumb to me, I know which picture you're trying to paint but the word ''intelligence'' kind of doesn't fit when I read it out loud. I might be reading it wrong or something, but that's what I thought.

i fell in my seat, beat, so tired from the aggravation im facin'
stay bent out of shape, a contortionist, afraid im complacent

Loved the closure. Despite the critique that may seem harsh I really enjoyed your verse, shit's dope af.

Mr. J..
12/04/2014 Entry 3.
Did I make the right choice? Or am I just tired of the noise
I'm spiraling in a void. Trying to make sense of what I enjoyed

I can relate to this couplet a lot, dope shit. The rest of your verse was dope as well, it flowed fluently and the content was on par with the rest, dopeness.

Genocide..
12/05/14Entry 4.
At home as i sit on the couch, pimpin it out
Shes bitchin, im thinkin my dicks gotta be as big as her mouth

Whahaha, nice opener, I can envision the scene in my head lol.

A difference of opinion is the normal excuse
And im surrounded by assholes, who think majority rules
Now im sort of immune, to the blows and stupid displays
If you call this falling in love, then you show it in unusual ways

Ouch, some real shit in here.

Moved in days ago, so im apartments and efficiency hunting
Broke, so im tryin arrange, that doesnt mean ive driven one -dummy
Living this bummy life, sacrifice, this bad predicaments real
When we eat out, its sandwiches smack in the midddle of fields
Has a prisoner feel to it, reclusive, laying low on the grid

Would the last sentence have flowed better with ''middle of fields'' if it was structured ''it has a prisoner feel''? I know you think a lot about these things, but people may slip up. I'm asking 1. because I hope it's on point and of use to you, 2. if I'm wrong you know something I don't and I can learn from it.

And i havnt seen food in weeks when we open the fridge
Theres a total eclipse of emotions, it hits whenever we speak
Short conversation, silence, but arguments will never be brief
A passionate relief, sexy release, intercourse, fucking around..
Pulled my head out of my ass, its just stuck in the clouds

Dope shit, enjoyed the read, keep it up!

Pent uP..
12/06/14 Entry 5.
I get home and hand my lady a couple of aspirins.
She looks at me weird and finds trouble in askin'
"why?" I'm like: "Does your head hurt?"
"No"
"Then I best get work, hoe." She turned red and fled - furloughed.
Day to day I'm trying to find the rhythm of romance,

Well, somehow saying ''Then I best get work, hoe'' doesn't seem like the best way to find it, whahah.

but end up fucking until its too difficult to hold hands.
So I'm swinging like Ol' Vance - shouts to the Fresh Prints.
I just want to be stuck between a couch and a temptress.
Instead I'm counting my pennies trying to save for the future -
Drowning out roommates with my favorite producers.
Slaving - it's gruesome; my hours don't permit a social life,
But I still grind my teeth anticipating what the totals like.
I'm trying to watch the game and I can hear hell comin'...
They say the best relationship's a blind wife and a deaf husband.
So I try not stress nothin' as long as my chest's pumpin'.
Tomorrows a new day and I gotta keep these legs runnin'

^ Pure dopeness imo.

Loved the collabo from start to finnish, tried adding some critique/pointers and hopefully they're helpful/on point. All around this was pretty cool, 8/10.

I'd also appreciate it if you would like to take a look at my newest OM-piece and give me some feed as well. Keep it up!