Cool. I like football so this is cool. The intri***y of your rhyming works more to highlight your storytelling, like here
Quote:
and keeps the pocket protected. All the while, he's not stopping for breath yet,
determined to make good on his honest regrets and nodding his head, "Yes,"
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I remember Pancake boy making a point that your wording is on point, but not in the same was as say a neighbor or dull boy, it's contextually on point, er I guess. You use words more based on how they fit, rather than how they look or feel, which helps with straightforward pieces like this (straightforward as apposed to the usual om steeze)
Cool story though. I related to the pressures expressed here, aside from the fatty stuff. Good imagery and writing overall.