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Old 12-17-2014, 10:35 AM   #2
enigma
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trajik View Post
everything's sorted and accounted for, almost forcing a mold
his monotonous metropolis life is not with a wife
he's anonymous, autonomous, never taught what is strife
I liked how this piece started, it's very relevant to the times. Really good word choice in the first verse especially (invest in the lessons, afford self control, sorted and accounted for.... then later, fate's mortgaged). Without explicitly stating it, I thought it evoked the typical young man on Wall Street - someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. But the shift in tone towards the end threw me a bit, and I'm not sure it felt believable to me. If the whole point is how Chester comes to evolve as a person, then I think you could have spent a little more time explaining his motivations to make it as relatable as the first few verses. Technically well written though with a good flow and some clever, witty insights and wordplay. Overall I enjoyed it.
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