[Strikta]

Originally Posted by VENgeance

the fuck kind of feed is that? don't be such a dick rider... or hater.. loL either one?

i would of appreciated it if you bar'd your lines styll..

first line, don't get it, i guess u were just trying to sound cool with big words.
parts of it sounded forced, like that swine part, good concept, forced bar.
"Unless when u bleed it meant something, Jesus." you mean "at least" right?
that was a good line, despite it be'n a bit shaky, once again good concept..
but your not really connecting the imagery here, it seems rephrasing is in order.
when broken up u can definitely see there is a flaw in syllable count, stretched bars.
rhyming sounds kind of blah, not really all there, and the flow is choppy, too much filler.
i like that last line there tho, that had good execution, strong concept and feeling.

the ideas you have are good it's just your wording that's not doing it..
your vocabulary and technical skill were at an all time low IMO..
i'm sure u can do better.. try more internal rhyme structure, multies n such..
still.. keep your imagery vivid n try to stay to a linear story (on point)
with some tweaking this could be an epic drop on all levels but now it's just wack..

keep em come'n though, i wanna see something with effort put forth...

Plz don't critique or look at anything else I write in the future. Thanks anyways.

But good looks B.B. & Split.. just a little something I threw together & had to get off my mind.