[Pent uP]

Arid -- excuse the comparison, but you remind me of an old RSTL style I was once familiar with. That aside - I disliked your ending, heavily...a knife in a hospital room? No cops? Usually a cop killer wakes up cuffed to the bed and watched by cops because flight risk. Lot of holes at the end...I misunderstood you part of the way..when u were describing him gawking at the girl I thought he was day dreaming so the dialogue confused me until I sorted it out. There was a section in the beginning around the description of sex that I thought was stellar. The narrative moved along fast, but it wasn't engrossing.

Story -- first of all please dont tag me for votes, ill vote when im ready. The verse had some nice depth to it for its length. Im gonna shotgun it and see what comes up. Up until the am I poet part I was sure this was mideival based times and people were fighting for the kings approval or position...then I got a little loat aftwr that. The last lines left me with the inclination I may be right, but the poet / struggle to smile / cold part kind of threw me off. I guess the way to interpret it that makes sense to me is that he was struck down, in his armor, and defeated but not dead and this was his reflection before the fight ends....the cool thing about this point of view is that the antagonist loses. I dont know why but u think thats cool. With this theory though, the ending makes it sound like the king loses (?)..I guess where u lost me on is clarity - and thats ok in a topical piece where I can interpret a string of ideas which ever way, but in a story its much more critical.

Vote - arid