Netcees - View Single Post - WK8: NYCSPITZ (5-2) vs. zygote (3-1) [zygote wins, 7-2.]

Pent uP · 12-02-2014, 01:40 AM

Zyg -- wonderful descriptions and perfect character choice. I dont have much to say about your writing..its poignant and enjoyable, but I feel as though it is always missing something (and I dont know what it is). The verse read faster than it looked like it would at first glance and was a fantastic journey.

Nyc -- things I hate. Things I love. I loved the ending and opening 2 stanzas. Hated the "action sequence." The battle didnt feel like a kung fu movie, rather a b-clip 3 muskateer caliber scene where the camera changed with every connect. The other thing I disliked was how long it took me to get into the characters - i feel like the beginning (while being my second favorite part of the verse) didnt characterize them enough to connect. The other problem I had with the beginning was there were too many repeated words/names, which made the read feel tiresome. The ending was magnificent - it brought it all together and piqued my interest - it was poetic in a way.

Vote -- Zygote for having less faults

Good battle

12-02-2014, 01:40 AM	#11
Pent uP Robin Williams of Fallen Victims Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 1,499 Battle Record: 25-11 Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x) - NWL Season 1 - Write Night I - Art of Writing League (2x) - Write Week IV Rep Power: 6862275	Zyg -- wonderful descriptions and perfect character choice. I dont have much to say about your writing..its poignant and enjoyable, but I feel as though it is always missing something (and I dont know what it is). The verse read faster than it looked like it would at first glance and was a fantastic journey. Nyc -- things I hate. Things I love. I loved the ending and opening 2 stanzas. Hated the "action sequence." The battle didnt feel like a kung fu movie, rather a b-clip 3 muskateer caliber scene where the camera changed with every connect. The other thing I disliked was how long it took me to get into the characters - i feel like the beginning (while being my second favorite part of the verse) didnt characterize them enough to connect. The other problem I had with the beginning was there were too many repeated words/names, which made the read feel tiresome. The ending was magnificent - it brought it all together and piqued my interest - it was poetic in a way. Vote -- Zygote for having less faults Good battle Last edited by Pent uP; 12-02-2014 at 01:52 AM.