Soulstice: This was a nice short verse right up your alley. The word choice sparkled because you played so cleanly off the image. The extended metaphor was neither obtuse nor overt. I think you should stop capitalizing the first letter of each line. I didn't like "With nothing left to examine" because it seemed too concrete and final. Otherwise, strong verse.
timeless: The rhyming of the first half was really solid (despite some obvious forces, made up for by the complexity of your schemes), and your story was moving along. But then about midway through it got a little harder to follow the story as a story, and you sort of drifted into this less pointed social commentary. That lost me, and the rhyming wasn't as strong in that part either. The ending didn't connect.
Vote: Soulstice
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I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.
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