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Old 11-30-2014, 08:00 AM   #6
zygote
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Soulstice presented quite a beautiful story, it was some imagination and the last line was nice and cutesy. The language was fitting. The overall approach makes sense when comparing the writing to the source picture because of the distinctive flowers in the peripheries. This image had a big contrast between those flowers and the alien planet. Good job, a little one-dimensional on the plot side, but you went for a less ambitious approach executed solidly.

Timeless was extremely impressive in terms of multiple rhymes. A really good attempt on this submission (with the doppelganger and humorous gestures being highlights). Only one pet-peeve in terms of rhyme schemes and that is for cliche rhyme schemes (things like food stamps - new pants + stage fright - face life). Watch out for these things, it's better even perhaps for a more interesting singular rhyme scheme than a cliche multiple one (like 'delicious' and 'sink in' - as an example of a good singular one). I'm also going to agree with the critique given by Arid, and couldn't express my own thoughts in any better way really. Although, I'll go one step back and say that not only did some of your lines stand out here, but some of your individual lines were true stand out's objectively. Again, just work on making the overall approach more obvious, you are improving the individual lines and when it all comes together within a clearer converging thread it will be great. Voting for Soulstice.
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