Story you've elevated a lot, good shit. Like arid I'm gonna say some of your ideas were lucid but you wandered a bit in places. Word precision maybe needs another read through to eliminate any ambiguous phrasing or inaccurate definitions. Other than that was surprised with this, good shit my nigga...almost top tier shit with some work.
Pent had more of a coherent line throughout his passage that resonated with my MYSTICAL inclinations. I thought there was a confused, abrasive unease between the picture and the topic but your writing tangentially connected and bringing the actual horse and the nigga in the picture helped reconnect to the topic (EASY way to do it you SLOVENLY LAZY....) - overall this was deep shit and I preferred this verse by a decent margin over the other.
V/ pent up
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