kankan -liked your idea, cool twist/side story on the well known story of batman's beginnings. Not sure how I feel about the vigilant/vigilante play running through the verse... I don't dislike it... but I think I'd like it more if it had some significance or backstory as to why it was your character's mantra... I kind of liked it anyway. Just thought maybe there was too much emphasis on it. But it gave the verse a unique feel. Use of multies was very good... in a few places I was too aware that the word choice was fitted around the rhyme scheme. Which is not to say the wording was forced, just that it could've been better - more natural sounding. It's a small criticism. Overall I enjoyed it.
Vulgar - cool story. Creative. A bit of world building. Very nice, enjoyed that aspect. Rhyming was mostly natural sounding with a few exceptions (strangling vision, eternity's tree). What really sets your verse apart from Kannon's for me is a few lines of gorgeously poetic descriptions: muted springs of nowhere, serenaded with atriums of light, glittering heavens, sparkling majesty. That's the main deciding factor for me.
V/ Vulgar
__________________
The Bad Guys
|