timeless - the idea of a humerous story kicking off with or circling back to a confusion over the dark knight/black night movie was cool, creative... but I wasn't really feeling how it played out. I'm not really sure what happened at the end, or what the character's prank was... I felt like maybe you were eluding to the incident where that guy shot up the cinema when ppl were watching the dark knight rises... but didn't find anything that makes me sure of that in your verse... the last few lines lacked clarity I think. Idk. I didn't get it. And while normal human reactions can be suspended somewhat when you're writing comedy, I felt at quite a few points that it was just... odd. Like why would the wife get pissed off and tell him no sex because he was confused over which movie they'd be seeing? It was a strange verse. I enjoyed it, probably because it was so weird. Kind of kinky. But yeah... not blown away by it.
Dozer - cool take on the topic. I liked your descriptions of the kid's life and the mother's motivations. Some good rhyming. You slipped in and out of past and present tense a bit too frequently for my liking, and I agree with whoever said the description of the transition between being a dipshit kid to being an upstanding adult was too abrupt. But overall this was cool. You formulated a concept that hit the topic well, and fleshed it out.
V/ Dozer
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The Bad Guys
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