[kannon]

timeless. this doesn't even feel like you tried. which seems weird for a verse that was turned in three days early. You had plenty of time to write something decent, but you went with this instead... Immediately, the "lovely tug" line made me cringe. How does allowing your kid to go see a movie make you a great father? and why would you get a hand job at the kitchen table during lunch because of it? And what kind of person says "don't be eyeing any suction?" I feel like this was written as a joke or something, but I didn't find it very funny :/ Then you just criticize the Black Knight for half your verse. and the "leave for vacation" is such a goddamn random thing to end a line with. b-ball game was completely unnecessary to include. the knight outfit/likes jousting line was the only one I actually smiled at. And I'm not even sure I understand what happened in the final 6 bars. You yell a bunch of shit about the devil and then go "see. told you it was the dark knight." As far as mechanics go, I would say probably half of this shit sounded forced as fuck. Half the lines didnt make sense at all, and the other half were horribly worded. Just not good, man. Not good.

Dove. Pretty cool. I liked the front half more than the back. The description of the mother abandoning and resenting the child because he reminds her of his father. Fighting with himself because he maybe even blames himself a little. My only real critique is that you move too quickly from "embracing the dark," to 6 bars later being like, "but now I've got kids of my own, and everything is okay." There was adequate description to what would have led you to embrace this darkness that you seemed to be surrounded by, but once you got there, it was kind of just "I stole shit, and was a terrible kid, then I grew up." flow was okay, some lines seemed a bit short to me, but overall pretty solid.

vote is for dove dozer.