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Niiiiiice. Great concept. This was a very enjoyable read, how you laid it out. You achieved a fine balance with story, vocabulary, rhymes, imagery... pretty much everything. The writers voice was fitting, you didn't interject your opinion or thoughts but at the same time you were able to make a thoughtful statement. Well planned well executed, captured mood, even had a slight twist at the end. Love can become fear and vice versa and you personified them =). You could have gone deeper if you wanted, gave the lovers more character, or dedicated a stanza to the transformation, that would have been cool, but on the whole this was very polished and efficient.
ZEN-
This vaguely reminded me of that movie with Leonardo Dicaprio, Shutter Island.
Let's say writing is martial arts... this would be a Green Belt piece. (white, yellow, green, blue, red, black). I appreciated the spartan lines, you said what needed to be said to set a solid story into action and conclusion. Actually the way you were able to tell somewhat of a complete story in so little lines is skillful.
The main thing though... is your words lacked any power. I've had a relationship, where it was on the brink because of something I did, and after 3 painstaking days I was able to dig deep and find what I needed to say for her to stay. I went through several self serving please forgive me I'm sorry drafts, where I talked about what happened, the situation etc.. only to throw them away because they meant nothing. It's only when instead of talking to myself, I spoke directly to her and the hurt that was between us did I find the way. So when I read that 'letter' it was so impotent to me.
I needed that letter from James to achieve that sort of conviction and remorse. You have solid technique and delivery, but for this story you needed to show more of the character than just a scrap of paper.
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