ck - technically, there were a lot of instances were you didnt commit to a multi and put too many syllables between the corresponding rhyming ones. conceptually, the images were an extreme close up, and there was a real familiar feel to the piece as we saw life get raped by death. overall, the ultimate concept boiled down to me as, are you takign advantage by life or getting raped by death (per se.). however, the peice didnt havem uch hints towards that, just the extremely contiguous view you gave us of the event.
the witness - flow was superb. dialogue was believeable, even the you hoe part wasnt too bad. the story progressed well and although there wasnt any crazy allegory or original backdrop to the tale the cadence and imagery were good enough to keep me engrossed in the piece and enjoy it. thats what the battle comes down to in this case. your shortened ending lines of your stanzas capped off the flow in a creative way that i dont see much in topicals
v - witty for keeping me engrossed
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