[Certain]

UnbornBuddha: I realize you're new to this format (and have equipped yourself rather impressively overall), but long unrhymed entry points are frowned on, particularly when they would extend your verse past the line or word limit. Anyway, I read it anyway because, again, I know you're new to this form of battling. The verse itself was good but underdeveloped, not because your concept was too complex for the line limit but because you spent too much time developing the points that we already knew and understood. The transformation was so abrupt and not well foreshadowed. But I liked the wording in the first half of the verse, in particular.

Witty: Sometimes your rhymes are predictable and, though they work perfectly in terms of the cadence, seem clumsy in breaking the diction. It seems like the words are only there to rhyme too often, in other words. That's a criticism of both this verse and your writing style in general. Anyway, this piece was pretty good. You telegraphed the twist, cutting into its impact. And you didn't do much emotionally for me. The narrator wasn't a believable sociopath but also wasn't an emotional wreck, so that was a bit uncolored. But the short line limit cuts into narrative experimentation. This was a fine verse, a complete story told with a great cadence and crisp word choice. It just wasn't anything on the next level.

Vote: Witty