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Old 11-10-2014, 01:10 AM   #9
kannon
kickthekan
 
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: fresh coast
Posts: 1,204
Battle Record: 9-6


Champed
- The Mic Check

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THE WAR OR THE BATTLE

Dominate. I really liked this. The story built as it went, and really rounded itself out with a great closing line. I'm not sure if I wanted more out of the moment Cato was brought to his knees, but at the least, the line "he wasn't quick enough" was enough to let us know where we were going. Otherwise, this was great. I really liked the development, and the pace of it all. Mechanics were also on point, flow was dope, schemes were cool, nothing forced. Well written overall.

Defiant. Cool little piece. One thing though, haha. I'm hesitant to accept that this guy is calling his leader his "new father" and then immediately killing him. Part of what you described caused him so much anguish was the deaths of his family members. That would lead me to believe that he doesnt take his loyalties lightly when it comes to naming someone his new patriarch. He bounced from showing his allegiance, to demanding hierarchy with almost no cause other than "it would be nice to rule." Other than that one snag for me, this was good. Well written, flow was pretty solid, and the closer was dope.

Fairly close here, but I think Dominate has my favorite piece of the week so far. And unfortunately, with Defiant's one snag, it gave the leverage in the other direction.

Vote is for Dominate.
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