[kannon]

PART OF THE PLAN

Unborn Buddy. This all seems very... vague. A man reads a passage from the Joker, and is suddenly propelled into this life of villainy. But only for a month? And not only that, but after the month, he slingshots back so hard, that he becomes a priest? I think what I found lacking the most, was any real humanizing elements of your character. He seems too extreme, too quickly to have just means behind his actions (or really any means at all). And it seems as though all of his evil led to no consequence, and arguably, reward. I get the duality and yin/yang approach, but this still felt a bit empty with its reason. As for the mechanics, I had a hard time making sense of any real rhythm here too. the front half barely rhymed at all. Not my favorite from you. :/

Wit. I liked the first half more than the second. I felt like the first half really set the tone for these two kids who are trying to fill their emptiness with booze, and end up filling it with each other instead. The closing two lines were especially poignant. That being said, I woulda maybe liked to have known what led them to drown their sorrows out in the first place, but alas. The second half was kinda meh to me. I get that you were trying to keep it vague until the closing bar, but it kinda came off clunky. "my mind erratic and bruised" "the sturdiest rope" "lose control of my mind as it screams" they all kinda sound meh to me. Almost like you spent thirty minutes writing the first eight bars, and then just said "I'd rather do something else," and wrapped up your idea. Overall, mechanics were fairly sturdy, aside from the aforementioned lines.

Even though Witty seemed to lose interest towards the end, I still felt as though he delivered a more cohesive, complete story. I just felt something missing in the why behind buddha's piece.

Vote is for Wit Doggy Dogg.