[UnbornBuddha]

Spectacular exhibition by two heavyweight contenders. This is not an easy battle to vote on particularly because I liked both verses! But I if had to choose a victor I will have to ponder it as I do a short breakdown of each entry.

Deadman: Your language is one of imagery. You bask in contentment creating a image that will render itself into the mental retina of the reader. Although, the folly in such approach might be the inherent or momentary blindness that enshrouds the reader as he or she reads your composition. By this I mean because you speak in such comparative analogies, and allegory then they might skip over the essence of what you are trying to convey. In this piece you wrote essentially about cardiovascular disease, and the morphological tendencies that a presumably overweight individual has. An addiction to the American staple, hamburgers. What impressed me the most was the way you weaved conceptual medical terminology, as well as laymen terms with familiarities such as the "Wonder years" reference. The intestinal orgasm line also produced a hearty chuckle, quite an image that is. Other memorable lines were
"its primal eroticism. animal process. collective hunter-gatherer conscious...
that familiar grinding itch inside the back of my brain"
You expounded on a man's love affair with a food substance in a way that described the psychological and brain habitual effect that goes along with such addictions. Although I do feel at times you let up, and failed to truly convey a more lasting effect, in other words redundancy took over. Perhaps if you described the brain chemistry that goes along with this addictions or the neurotic effects, perhaps what the doctor said to the patient. Or how their family feels about watching their loves one commit a slow suicide through a bodily harm that temporarily feels so pleasurable. I bring this up because although I very much enjoyed the way you approached the topic, I still felt it could of been refined more so.

3PA: Although Deadman has this knack for weaving in or knitting into his rhyme basket his rhyme schemes you still bested him with your language and lingustic patterns. Now that alone does not mean victory. What ensures it is conceptual/ metaphorical depth and precision. Yours was a bit more puzzling to decode. Not because the language was more terse, but because you have a tendency to jam as many schemes that each sentence reads with a compact cadence. What impressed me the most were this 4 lines:

"- with fuses for subjective miscues in it's connective tissue
Collective issues: our planet's metabolism
- that we compress to crystals of demented wisdom
in the mental kingdom's metric system"

This lines alone shifted the constellation's axis into your favor. And since I am a man that follows the song of the universe I must listen well. Anyways, before jesting more I must proceed to describe some of what I took from this entry. I believe you went more with the hypnotic effect that entertainment perhaps has on the masses. The power of an artist can brainwash through the medium of artistic neurolingustics, which homes into the listener's sense of self, both animalistic, social, and individualistic.
Now this was just one slight interpretation I arrive from a few lines. The major one was the perspective of the artist of the world and its issues as his trying to make a change into the present state psychosis, as you so succinctly put it,
"The feeble alarm of a dreamer's preachy remarks
what's a measly guitar against city-wide psychosis?"

Anyways, I must retire. And so my vote goes to 3PA for his more thought provoking endeavor.

Thank you both.