[Adonis]

OB - Opening stanza was dope conceptually, but I'm unsure of the parenthesis rhyme, I think a change in rhyme/thought process could have made the rhyme and meaning connect much better. In other words not a fan of wording. "combined" with what? but I like the concept of filling rivers with tears, potential of silky butter per wordings sake. "How her daddy woke her up in her early years, to share her innocence with respected peers." Vivid and dope phrasing.imagery,. good writing stylistically. Thus far rhyme scheme is a bit simple...I.E "Fate/escape, room and doom". thinking of multies would cure this ye the lines are vital for character/story build up.

Aes - So...I will highlight a wording eye sore..."Telling me strange attachments when she's payed to over my mind"...leading up to this as well as the aftermath this is merely one example of poor word choice. IDK bro, some poor word/scheme choices..."And she sighs death as my legs are lifted too the bedsides, and wipes her tears with dry eyes." disrupeted too much flow and made it hard to read. it is a good line, but the way you broke it down and split in just took soo much away from my readings enjoyment.


All in all it was a decent battle I suppose. Two intelligent writers who can master the flow, yet on fell short and the other fell extremely short, Vote: Objective