This was wonderful my friend. It was not too opaque, which I noticed is a thematic dimensional facet you tend to wander to. The rhymes were fascinating, yet what truly captivated my gaze was the language. The language was complex, or better yet had a richness to it. A richness that satisfied my own temperamental adoration for a well mechanized spread. A refection that displays the unlimited capacity that this art can take. I myself lower my head when I see great work. Partly in congratulations to the effort you have applied to achieve it, but also because it exhibits my own capacity to continue growing. After all, when it comes to the mental and bodily side of life there is decay when stagnation happens.
It is like the adage of the ancients "flowing water never decays". What more of an exemplary statement can be said for a group of individuals whose art exemplifies this need to continue flowing.
And that you did well. The topic was a bit twisted, which was intended. I mean you basically tried to capture or bring forth the inherent darkness within light, Yin Yang theory the dualistic law of the universe. In which both forces are not really opposing because they accentuate each other, transform into the other, depend on each other, consume each other. Now you did not fully explored all the elemental connotations that this philosophically and practically means.
Rather, you decided to tell a descriptive composition of a metropolis. A rather grotesque one due to the plundering you did off its grim contents, and its effect on individual lives. Perhaps due to the emotional component the metropolis was meant to be an allegory for the confined walls of one's own heart, one's own inner terrain. I mean you did mention the "ventricle of the walls" in your first verse.
Anyways, my favorite stanza was he second one. I also thought the little intermediary lines between the verses were kind off misplaced, and not as riveting.
Anyways, hope to see you continue your evolutionary unfolding.
Thank you, and take care.
|