Lol. The ending received a wry smile. The rest not really but it was decent. Meteorological capabilities was way out of place. Your tounge-in-cheek anti-jokes ("Ha! Get it) didn't really land. I guess that was the point kind of because you're fucked up. Ending was good. Flow was solid for what was probably keyed. Brief enough to keep me interested the way through. I liked chromosomal plasma - paranoia stemmed from weed, guessing. That was expertly woven in to infer a crossfade occuring here. Good storytelling. Meanwhile the acid line broke the number one rule - show dont tell. Maybe if you don't want your reader to have to dive so deep it's ok, and you're keeping a sick flow going.. its ok to break that rul sometimes.
Decent stuff overall.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by asylum
? subtly? what the fuck is a subtly? i dont know what that is. can someone help me out?
|
|