[Certain]

UnbornBuddha: You write like some weird amalgam of NYCSPITZ, zygote and Frank, but you haven't refined your mechanics as much as any of them. What you have done is defined your style. You use way more words than you need to in an oddly academic method. The opening scheme, with all the adverbs, was really bad. For one, adverbs are the bane of good writing. But you also just chose such simple rhymes, and the result was that everything sounded so juvenile and it fucked up your grander points. Getting rid of the entire first stanza would have helped because you have some great content once you begin the narrative. The second stanza does go on too long, too, though, which made beginning the third with "In brevity," sort of a I'm-not-sure-if-this-is-self-aware-meta-humor-or-not moment. There were a few slips in your mythological retelling, such as Luna being a Roman name rather than Greek. And I think a large part if not the entirety of this verse was unoriginal, based on the myths, which I'm not a big fan of. But I did enjoy the final stanza the most, when you pulled out a little emotional appeal that I wasn't sure you had in you. The standout thing with this verse was the take on the topic. Turning this girl into the moon was clever.

kannon: I really liked this verse. Your flow is really good, which did draw attention to the couple stumbles you surrendered. But that first stanza was ridiculous, and you smoothed it out and kept it very fluent. The concept was kind of perfect for the photo, this little girl who rules the city and swings above it. I have never watched Game of Thrones, but I keep imagining that little girl in Game of Thrones who has all that power, I think, based on my limited knowledge of the series. There's just this sort of carelessness to the photo. You could have done a lot more with the story line, but I think you wanted to keep it uncluttered. Still, you didn't stagnate on the image and developed a world, you just chose to place us in one instant rather than flesh out a plot. UnbornBuddha may have had the cooler interpretation of the topic, but you outshined him in most other categories.

Vote: kannon