View Single Post
Old 10-26-2014, 06:30 PM   #7
UnbornBuddha
Senior Member
 
UnbornBuddha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
Battle Record: 23-10


Champed
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 5

Rep Power: 23856379
UnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant future
Default

This was an enjoyable read, both were descriptive in different ways. Zygote your descriptions was more observation in terms of 1st person narrative. While Mike's was more observational using the picture to sketch the stylistic components. Zygote had a more humorous tale about the drab setting of Paris it seems. While Mike wrecka was more melancholy using color in the image to leave an impression of feeling upon the reader.
Rhyme wise Mike wrecka had the stronger rhymes. Zygote sacrificed that element in order to expound further the dimensionality of sensory perception that the character used when rendering his stay in Paris.
And although I very much enjoyed the usage of language in Zygote's piece, I am edging it to Mike simply because his was more descriptive, in a way that felt ethereal. As if it touched upon the very shades of the image in order to evoke a response and impression upon the reader.

Vote: Mike wrecka
UnbornBuddha is offline