first piece - man, i thought this started out real rocky, i thought your wording in many places seemed messy, they read almost as broken english, as if it was your second language. but about half way through, things really picked up and the latter half of this piece was incredible. actually i just looked back up, it was most of the second stanza, so i'll correct that to the latter three quarters of the piece. i really started to enjoy the wording and the multis of the rhyme scheme, i was saw some really nice world play and metaphors.there was great imagery here. by the end of the piece it had left an impression on me that had made me forget about the slippery start. awesome job.
second piece - each stanza, if expanded would make for great individual pieces because each stanza just left me wanting more. this is an eye opening piece, it was cool to know that these people are out there. i think you have a knack for multis but some of the scheme seems sloppy. i have mixed thoughts on your wording, some of it seemed simple, some of it was enjoyable.
vote - by the time i got into it, the first piece left me with a wow factor, despite my early complaints. the second piece never made me impressed, just interested. so that will be my siding factor, just a more indepth piece that i feel was better written for the majority of it.
first piece
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