*takes stand*
*pancake sister crying*
Honorable Judge Chesterworth, ladies and gentlemen of the court, I come to you today with evidence of low level boarding, faggotry, and uncomfortable messaging done by the defendant today, Muff. Also known as Attack of the Muff, Father Muff, Crustachio, and Pubic Enema.
As a respected, and may I remind you storied, member of this fine country of Nessy's I don't repost private messages lightly. Our PM is system is sacred; a system where Destroyer and Bags can write their love doodles in peace, where Diode can send himself google results to remember later, and where we all can laugh at Muzzle when it gets boring publicly. But I must, I repeat
must, bring to light this startling faggotry to light, Nessy's PM code be damned.
I ASK THE COURT TO VIEW EVIDENCE A OF OVERFAGGOTRY
*FLIPS OVER WHITE SHEET ON EASEL*
*SMACKS POINTER FINGER AT MESSAGE*
*crowd gasps*
*muzzle faints*
*waits for crowd to settle down, paces court room*
Yes, your honor. This is a private message from one grown man to another with the title saying "read but don't respond". THIS OCCURRED ON THE NIGHT WHERE MUFF CAME TO THINK OF MY AS SOME GOD FOR MY OBSERVATIONS. ALL I DID WAS MAKE A COUPLE OF OBSERVATIONS FOR FUCKS SAKE WHAT IN THE LIVING FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM!? I NEVER RESPONDED TO HIS DOZENS (DOZENS) OF POSTS MENTIONING ME BECAUSE I HAVE A GOD DAMNED SENSE OF FUCKING
DECORUM AND REALIZE THIS IS THE INTERNET. I PROPOSE NEW ALLEGATIONS OF STALKING.
I must admit to all of you, from the second I read this message my boarding hasn't been the same. I haven't slept in days, thinking Muff has a not-so-secret attraction for me. I worry for my family. For the love of God, put this man away for life.