Split: You went a bit outside your comfort zone with this one, which was appreciated. But I don't think you landed all your goals for this because you seemed to lack definition on whether this is some form of futuristic dystopia or a commentary on modern times. The ending was good, and there were a handful of highlights, and I generally think you had a good perspective.
timeless: The rhymes were a bit forced, but there were some very enjoyable stretches in this. "in the nude she's a silhouette cracked in thirds" was a pretty cool image. "Like Monday told Friday" was a great way to start. "I just wasn't cut out for the lemonade stand" was simple, conversational and effective. But then there were lines like, "Most of your co-workers all took a valid poll" and "Need to emanate a scam." The content here wasn't much, but the verse held my attention throughout because of those good turns of phrases. I think if you took time to develop the character better and smooth out those awkward phrases, you'd really have something.
Vote: Split
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