[Mr. J]

Very nice battle....I reserve this spot for my vote

So this was a nice battle that had a different twist on the competitors
both seem very well detailed about the route that they are taking here...

Listen, listen..you had a very interesting take on your verse...
it read like a short story that wasn't really a short story...format that is
it came across different for me the way it was written, although
some of it's spice kind of lost it's heat as you got to the middle
in any case it picked up after a couple lines and it felt a little on track
making it an easy read but also a piece that could have been tightened up
if you did this on the first try I'm sure you could have threw some editing in
nice work though

Unborn, you unravel a story that has characters interacting with each other
you probably could have taken your verse a little beyond the limit adding more plot
but at the same time you separated the piece into a perfectly amount of lines per section
you grasp the technicality of writing a topical verse and making it work to your advantage really helps
your verse was obviously the stronger verse but could have had more added to it making it a full circle
which is great for the third week...

v/Unborn