[theMuzzl3]

Three-Planes-Aligned:

Good structure, rhyming was here and there (which I like). Good job there.

Learned a few words /w google definer (like that too). Your vocabulary is good.

The theme was good, but I don't think it tied into political powers very much. Other than that, it tied in several of the other themes… and even though politics was not mentioned, I could see the ending line being one that tied the story to the subject matter a bit.


Frank:

Your opening lines made me grab my white russian and drink a few gulps… I don't know what your opening 11 lines had to do with the subject matter, but this is AOWL so freedom of the writer's ideas are totally acceptable. Some of the rhyming in the first 11 lines were at beginnings and endings of lines, which I like -- in an artistic and poetic format. The way you put rhymes together, alone, entertained me.

Grammar: "lulling" is a verb… didn't work out in that sentence IMO, but I think its still grammatically correct (I'm not an English teacher).

Content: your story was extremely entertaining, but I feel it had very little to do with the subject matter. If the topic was "any topic you chose" and open writing, I'd of given you my vote. Your writing is excellent and the wording was very good. HIGHLY entertaining. Yet, due to subject matter not tying in with the topic… I have to give this one to TPA.

/v Three-Planes-Aligned