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Old 10-12-2014, 11:26 AM   #6
Pinot Grij
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 863
Battle Record: 23-19

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J - It seems like you bit off more than you could chew with this one, I don't know if it was a case of over-writing for tough opponent - but your prose was far too rigid and difficult to gain entry to. Without being able to penetrate your prose to feel any real connection to your characters or plot, I found myself bored and unable to scratch the surface of this piece.

Vulgar, one killer flaw in this piece is that I'm basically 100% sure that they don't let you become a cop if you've been previously incarcerated. My other qualm is the "basilisks bite" line - you're better than that, my dude. Otherwise, I thought the story was pretty cool... I dug this dude's obsession with immortalizing his best friend. Story ran smoothly and, for me, easily edged Mr. J's verse this time around.

Vote - Vulgar
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