Muzzle.. this was funny, man.. I mean, you definitely should have taken time to edit this and polish it, but the rushed-ness of it provided lots of hilarity for me.
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That woman that lured him into the crab shack: he still ignorantly adores...
he goes back to score more ass crack; but as approaching the same whore,
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lmaoooo
Quote:
They get married, which sucks because years go by... and they still love each other;
but loving one another without love-making, as if their love turned them into brothers.
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LMAO@ a dude and a chick just turning into two dudes because they don't bang. Also, "Fill in eachother's cracks" was another beauty.
I think if you took more time you could've had something decent. This wasn't great, but at least it was entertaining to read. Also, I appreciate that we both took similar approaches this week by showing two sides to the same topic. I'm sure you've got nowhere to go but up, young homey.
Yo Witty, the opening stanza sounded like a poem that Larenz Tate would recite at a slam poetry Open Mic to Nia Long in a cheesy black romance movie from the 90s. Smooth as fuck, big guy.
2nd stanza really ran on too long.. the fact that this dude turned into a rapist is some dark, fucked up shit, dude. I don't really see that as a necessary or plausible route for this piece to have gone.. I would've preferred if it was something more comedic or realistic, one or the other. The fact that he rapes some poor chick really turned me off of the piece.
Despite this, you still dug a grave for Muzzle with those schemes - mechanics were solid and can't really be critiqued. I didn't like what happened in the story, but it was fully fleshed out and followed a solid, if not lengthy, storyline. Hope you come with something more palatable for me next week because I enjoy your contributions.
Vote - Witty