UnBornBuddha - Crisp transitioning with the dialogue, and you also provided a neutral middle-ground for the reader to make their decisions as to which side was correct. One constructive criticism I have for your take is how the rhyme scheme sometimes takes focus off of the content. You go for ambitious campaigns through multiple rhymes which often aren't wholly accurate. You add assonance where there maybe shouldn't be a protrusion in the road - for the purpose of entrenchment. It was a pulpy read, but nonetheless a good one. I liked the uniqueness of your take. I'm neutral on how you mentioned the topic, some view it as a copout or a slight surrender, like acknowledging the camera crew in a movie for a few scenes. I think you're improving at your all around game.
patrown - lol as soon as you said Blue I imagined a homeless guy in a dirty navy blue suit. I read on and found out it was the rich man instead. This verse suffered from underdevelopment. I would've liked to see conversations between the two men, maybe a last ditch effort from the rich man, and when refused, his elitist views come into the picture more and more clearly. I liked the twist because it's unlikely, and life is usually like that. I think if you placed emphasis on the development of key areas of this piece, it would've succeeded on those crucial levels.
My vote goes to UnBornBuddha.
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