[Cereal_Killa]

3p:
“John The Vast: an ocean of stillness;
a soulless encryption of noted distinction”

Fuck me..
Otay..
it doesn’t stop ‘til here..

“The air is atrocious in thickness, smokey and liquid”

the dream swirls kick, the drop from the first stanza into the second is a mammoth water wall.. you bounce and drown on everything.. Where the addiction captures in the shell as it explodes your cranium when you pull back out from the verse..

purdy friggen nice.. ty


Frank:

A rambunctious conundrum
Opening three bars are hot man, look it’s a style I have never seen you use.. The extended lines, dropping the internals to capture the scenery.. so that the reader is not stuck in the emotive drawings but instead (purely the wording as a soft tone almost like fog around the readers ankles)
Your characters dialogues is insane.. first off you, next to don’t use dialogue HERE (into the disruptive ruckus) you throw the reader into the drunk circles kind of like (a sfx of general chatter) with your doubles of assumptions.. You 100% achieved what you wanted with the reinforcement you laid it up..

“ the judging public”
Hits, I like..

Cool lil diddy.. all up man your writing is real nice.. dude ty for the verse..


Vote: three planes align

For overall story and concept.. It hits harder.. im in a more lively mood so you got a story that surgically cuts through tearing flesh against a story all about alcohol thats doesnt really get rowdy.. as much as I love the new style FRANK you needed to kick it in the story aspect side of things throw up some "dirty crack lines and break the style/then dump gore" but this seriously just the mood im in.. good looks guys..