Vulgar, though I am unfamiliar with your work as a whole, you are clearly a polished writer with incredibly high level of technical skills. Skills that I wouldn't even attempt to match and obviously you put a lot of thought and effort into this. Everything is lucid, makes sense, and has a hypnotic rhyme scheme.
And keep in mind that this is only my opinion, so take it how you will. I see this as like a seasoned piano player who plays their keys perfectly and it sounds great on the surface but is lacking the power to provoke emotion, induce thought, or raise debate. Imperfections are what makes thing funky bro.And if that is not your goal here then that is fine as well.
Brahmavihara on the other hand was a grand piece of work. I could go further and break down why I feel this way about this piece but since I'm much better expressing at myself in rhyme I'll just say "I know that your sick, just wish that you'd switch, from monotone to monolith."
|