Quote:
Originally Posted by Lars
Too many mechanics make stories a boring read. They need space to breathe, so you can expand on things like imagery, character development, dialogue etc.
There is nothing to connect me, as the reader, emotionally… to you, as the lead character.
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I feel you. I'm not the type to take decent criticism/advice to heart. You're right about this piece, it's too mechanical. That was a choice though. The verse I was up against (by Smoothtung) was very much based on an emotional connection (feelings, smells & whatnot) so I went down the mechanical descriptive route as a way to differentiate my verse from his.
I hope to show you I'm more than just packaged mechanics.