[Certain]

timeless: You could really do yourself well to smooth out some of your phrasing and make sure you have the right words. In the very first line, it should have been "On" instead of "By" and I'm not sure "succor" is the word you're looking for. The first stanza lacked clarity, particularly in the first few lines. That disorientation can be difficult to recover from, but when you hit the couplet beginning with "They will," you hit a bit of a stride. The third stanza was much better than the first, though. You had a cogent point and made it, even with a few stumbling passages. And you did so without sacrificing your cadence (though perhaps your rhymes weren't at full force, which is a good thing for the most part). I didn't like that you had the awkward "horse of life" turn of phrase when "life's ride" would have been more natural and segued into the next line much, much better. Mixing metaphors is tricky work. I tend to prefer your writing when you strip back a little bit and let me in rather than trying to wow with mechanics. This was a solid effort by the end, but I honestly didn't connect with the beginning any more after a couple reads.

Mr. J: This verse, like your better verses, was a head-on attack of your approach to the topic. You didn't dally around the point at all and hit some very emotional points quickly and effectively. But there were some misses in how you developed the particulars of the story. Mary's background was central yet never fleshed out fully. I liked the directive toward the reader quite a bit, but it might have been more effective emotional hook had you developed the story more. I liked the rhymes up until you used "lies" a second time, though I don't think of that as a cardinal sin like some. This was a solid verse through and through. Welcome back.

Vote: Mr. J