[Adonis]

Certain - I liked the opening a lot. That is a prime example of proper build up, something I struggle with greatly. The verse quickly shifted and left that zygote like realm and you stepped into a real world. I wish you hadn't because I wanted to remain in the plant, but I guess that would be boring. the story had solid progression and but nothing was kept hush hush really pertaining the ending. i'm not sure how you would have even gone about that, but once you mentioned both father and son's names the element of surprise leaped from the page. I guess the irony of his organs being donated was the climax? or supposed to be, but honestly any sort of climax was sapped out and the story just sort of ended. Good writing though, I really liked the verse and after reading them all I would say this was top 3-4 ish.

Franker - Opening 6-8 bars had better flow then I've read in a long while. The verse was a good read, fast paced and to the point. You did a lot with the limited space, but still not enough. There were too many grammatical errors (your hearts pumping) Simple shit like that. We both know you key'd this shit, or at least most of it as you were no doubt under the gun to post before closing of thread. And because of that you lost. But for what I believe is a key, you did a good job none the less.

Voting Cert

verse was more polished and overall executed better.