[PancakeBrah]

themuzzl3-

Do you find it ironic that you said unsaid words are the best that can be read then proceed to say every word? I thought it was ironic.

So there's a lot of words here, and they're all kind of related. There's a lot to digest, or it appears there should be a lot to digest given the sheer volume of typed things here. But really, this was just a large mix of platitudes, pseudo-intellectual existential shit, and nonsense poetry. Not trying to be mean; this wasn't necessarily "bad" (maybe it was), but only because you obviously put so much effort and thought into it. So my gut reaction is to say it's not bad. But it probably is. The unheard/unsaid/unflapping motif of the first section wore thin after, I don't know, the first time you used it. What does it even mean, dudebro? That repeated thought sounded like a stoned beatnik. I could go into detail about the wording and ideas I wasn't a fan of, but it's all pretty much the same. A lot of supposedly deep shit that's revealed to be basic and/or flat out wrong past a surface level examination. I'm not usually one to harp on line length and 'flow' as a huge part of a verse but this read like an essay that occasionally rhymed, which is less than ideal. The sudden 'reveal'/admission that you were drunk really had no place here, although I guess it does explain some of the half-baked thinking that went into this piece. A struggle to get through. I will say there were one or two or three lines that were decent. This wasn't "OMG HORRIBLE", you just need a lot of work on your writing/thinking process. Thanks for the read.

Greed-

I really enjoyed your first four lines. Quite a bit actually. Thought they were good, thought they were setting up a nice little piece that'd easily get the vote over Muzzle's tome of blech. Then, I assume, someone assaulted you with a steel bat to the head, causing brain damage. Now short circuited, you impulsively rhymed, and only rhymed, and then rhymed again, to rhyme. Spelling and grammar flew out the window and the world became hazy. Ancient warlords were expelling reefer colored hookah smoke. The God's philosophical crisis was no longer of importance; FUCK THAT; IT'S RHYMIN' TIME!!!!!!!!!. You really just lost the plot and the second half of this kind of repulses me.

I thought Greed had a layup. But at least Muzzle stuck to his concept and saw it through. Greed had a strong start then just said fuck it. Weird, weird battle. I think Greed showed some signs that he could be a decent writer in this league with the beginning of this verse. Don't know what happened, dude.

v/Muzzle, begrudgingly