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Old 10-03-2014, 06:39 PM   #5
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,033
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

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Ok...first return vote....annnnnnnd

Well let's just say it's the beginning of a new season as well
which...it is, therefore I feel like both of you may be new to this...
and if not, blame it on the deadline..

regardless let's see...the first verse I found it quite structured
you captivated an idea that you tried to make work for the better
and it turned out quite well, but on the other hand I think you lost your...
I don't know how to say it, your drive to continue with your verse
after a moment or two I felt it was going in a great direction...
but lost it's edge, nice work though

the second verse...I feel may have captured what the picture represented
slightly, and where you took it felt like it might have stuck in the mind more...
maybe I'm still stuck on the first verse or you just rushed your verse
making it seem like your normal everyday OM drop in my eyes which is cool
but mistaken as a ravishing league verse....

v/first guy
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