First half felt like an attempt at storytelling and was a good effort. Subject matter was hard for me to get into because round about ways of talking about getting hated on a message board doesn't hold much interest for me or anybody who has had sex in their lifetime... BUT switch the subject to tits, dick, and poop jokes and I would be all over that shit so you should do more of that.
The second half seemed like you wanted to try to flex some more technical skills but it ended up killing the story progression for me. Much of the content in this part felt like semi coherent gibberish to me. I see glimpses of an interesting structure here but falls flat at a lot of spots as well. More tits and dick jokes would bring it together better in my opinion.
I think shortening your schemes and syllables per line a bit would make it look and read smoother. Forget about making a complicated scheme especially if it you have a message to tell, not being absolutely clear and relatable to a casual listener is a bigger crime to me than not rhyming a string of big words. Get the basics down first before you start doing advanced stuff. Many great classics in all forms of art are in fact the mastery of the simple and basic and it is the those that are most enduring and long living in culture. Netcees is just a strange little contrarian sub set of online society that confuses you about what is wrong or right. Also add more poop jokes.
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