[dead man]

i actually really liked this. the positive day repetition worked to ground the entire verse so it never went off kilter.

context always helps but i think you certainly made an impact. i couldn't help but think of the cornholio scene in beavis and butthead do america, where beavis is tweakin all over the airplane lol.

as a brief character biopic - which did sort of feel like an exercise in personality development - this was dope. obnoxious dave.

rhythm was a little sketchy in parts, as well as the part about shane. idk. some contrivances that sort of tripped me up personally. but this was really cool zen, i would read a series of these types of work.

thank you.

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