[Zen]

Your wording leaves something to be desired. It comes across as very novice, almost as if you are forcing the words to work instead of letting the words work for you. "leafs turning grim" is a good example of that. That rhyme is way too forced, and in the end makes sense....but it doesn't. Like I get it, the leaves died, but if you can't find a creative way to say that to engage us as the readers into it without forcing something, then just tell us the leaves died.

Changing contrast, turning of a new leaf
My pain is broadcast for all of you to see
^ This was nice. Very basic, but it was enjoyable.

The rest in my opinion came off as a little too try hard, almost like you were pretending to feel what you were writing. You can't fake it, man. And if you did feel what you wrote, I didn't. So, yeah.