Vote Iambent
Split's story was rough to me. And there were little things that didn't make sense like "He had dreamed of this moment for 18 years"
I don't know about you guys, but when I was 5 years old, I never dreamed about graduating high school.
There were some colorful bursts of language but it jumped forward too much. I think you would have been better served to go for... creating an atmosphere or mood for the topic you chose, like an Edgar Allen Poe work.
And the drug use life, dream ending.. well, I think you can dig deeper.
Iambent although the story itself didn't really draw me in. The skill in the writing cannot be denied.
"To this “mélange” of haughty snobs accessorized with toddlers…"
Lines like this are the difference. The vocabulary and the imagery and just the presentation of the idea and how it relates to his story.
I mean, accessorized with toddlers... that has depth and purpose.
|